How well do your interpersonal communication practices support your efforts to collaborate with other people? How do you know?
This aspect of self-management is one in which leaders, managers and many other people are often significantly underdeveloped and least self-aware. We don’t understand the quality of our practices, our own part in our interpersonal challenges nor the benefits of change, because we lack objective criteria and a discipline for evaluating them. To intentionally change a behaviour we must first notice and bring it to our attention.
In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. [Bertrand Russell]
WHAT
Collaborative Dialogue, is a comprehensive self-management guide and workbook for collaboration and conversational complexity. One of its early chapters initiates a process you can use to assess your current interpersonal competence. In combination with frequent exercises introduced in the book, this will help you pinpoint your strengths, and identify the behaviours and habits of mind most likely to benefit from improvement, while also providing tools for navigating through the various models, frameworks and other guidelines.
A senior leader client of Tom’s coaching work and reviewer of the book has reported that Collaborative Dialogue is “Packed with ideas and thought-provoking scenarios designed to challenge the reader to become more aware of their own interpersonal communications and strategies, and those of others in relation to them. Deep and fulsome with rich stories and insights … brilliantly targeted quotes, useful diagrams, models and mnemonics. Backed up with an extensive toolkit of examples and workouts. [Professor Desna Jury].
WHY
Whatever is done or attempted by organisations to engage with others eventually depends on the appropriateness of individuals’ interpersonal communication practices and minds-sets.
Although there is much more to successful relationships, the quality of our interpersonal communication is one of the most personal and obvious ways we demonstrate the value we give them.
Normally, we can get by with the behaviours modelled by others as we grew up. Although these are habits we tend not to think about, based on untested assumptions and sometimes unwise choices and knee-jerk reactions, there is frequently tolerance for mistakes, improvisation, casual imprecision or awkwardness. Anyway, we tell ourselves, we can apply more rigorous techniques if and when necessary.
But best interpersonal practices are most called for when communication is most difficult – when tolerance is low or non-existent, feelings intense, differences acute, people stressed and the consequences of miscommunication and misunderstanding severe. Then, we are seriously challenged if our ordinary habits are not equal to the task. Techniques held in reserve lie beyond reach because we are not skilled in them. “Skill” means “habituated ability arising from practice”.
