Tom Watkins Coaching

Leadership Coaching | Self-Management | Capacity Development

Incorporating EncourageMentors and Thriving Workplace.

Join 1,320 other subscribers
You are here: Home / Archives for Tom Watkins

Articles by Tom Watkins

Browse the Full Archive for Tom Watkins Coaching.

post

Collaboration, Cooperation & Competition

By

A very expensive misuse of resources When the Senior Management Team meeting considered an important operational failure, Joel proposed a remedy. Matti introduced a different approach to which Joel responded, “That’ll never work” and began explaining why. Matti interrupted to explain where his reasoning was flawed. For 30-40 minutes they heatedly faulted one another’s perspectives and defended their own. Other members argued for their preference or said nothing and avoided eye contact. … [Read more...]

post

Spoiler alert: how collaboration is derailed

By

Behaviours that inhibit or derail collaborative conversations are usually easier to recognise in other people's practices than in our own. Some of those spoilers are regarded as mildly annoying but unavoidable aspects of interpersonal communication processes, about which nothing much can be done. Others are more pronounced but difficult to categorise objectively and figure out constructive responses. All are worth scrutiny, modification and constructive responses in the interests of … [Read more...]

post

How do you rate your capacity for real collaboration?

By

Cooperation is often considered collaboration . . . But efforts applied to the former can seriously inhibit the latter . . . All approaches to real collaboration benefit from the parties' competence at navigating conversational complexity and differences . . . Typically, people over-estimate their ability for this, trusting that the necessary skills will somehow become available if and when required, even though they have insufficiently practised and mastered them . . . Most seem unaware of … [Read more...]

post

Drawing the line at criticism

By

Responding to criticism with composure and curiosity rather than reacting reflexively is a skill greatly eased by learning to recognise our feelings and the mindsets that activate them, in real time. When we can do that, we are better able to listen confidently to critical comments, hold clear limits or prevent more when we’ve heard enough. Identifying if and when any line should be drawn, calls for situational awareness, mindfulness and emotional agility.  Announcing and holding the line … [Read more...]

post

Don’t take it personally

By

It’s a common human tendency when criticised to think we’re under attack. Although all that we know, at first, is that someone has a problem they want heard and understood, we readily take offence if it seems we’ve been chastised, insulted, demeaned, derided, disrespected, harmed or in some other way mistreated. Once we've taken it personally like that, our emotional chain reactions and reflexive (knee-jerk) fight or flight urges are primed for release. Unless quickly altered, those ideas … [Read more...]

post

Do you respond or react to criticism?

By

Many people with perfectly adequate hearing develop seriously impaired listening when they are criticised. Rather than respond constructively by clarifying, acknowledging and replying thoughtfully to others’ concerns, they react with various forms of resistance or avoidance. Whenever we do this, we add unnecessary complication to interpersonal communication. Listening is the communication skill first learned and most often used. Yet it is the least taught and least … [Read more...]

post

Our own part in conversational problems

By

Having a ringside seat at other people’s quarrels can be unpleasant. But they're valuable events for me when I realise some of the ineffectual behaviours in use resemble my own. When conducted in public, especially with as much acrimony as the occasion discussed here, they offer similar mirroring to a much wider audience. To intentionally change a behaviour we must first become aware of it. Golden rules Understanding our own part in creating a problem is the beginning of wisdom. Kong Qiu … [Read more...]

post

The purpose and wisdom of teams

By

When I accompany my coaching clients to team meetings I often observe not teamwork but business-as-usual conducted in a group setting.  Any actual teamwork achieved is a matter of luck. Although participants may leave with good feelings because we had a good discussion, got through the agenda on time or made decisions, those outcomes do not, in themselves, indicate teamwork. Team functioning differs from group functioning, is capable of different outcomes and has different applications.  Teams … [Read more...]

post

Good Listening, a Virtue of Character

By

Just before I posted this I found that The Book of Life at The School of Life website had been viewed over 26 million times but its How to be a Good Listener chapter had just 51,655 views.  No surprise there. The soft stuff is always more challenging than the hard stuff. Despite the ever-present need, "improving my listening practices" rarely appears among people’s common interests or priorities. It is impossible to overemphasize the immense need humans have to be really listened to, to be … [Read more...]

post

Aim to heal, not hurt

By

We can heal or hurt people simply by the judgements we make about them. When we extend healing to others, we also heal ourselves. The ability to choose between the discomfort of becoming aware of our judgemental habits of mind and the discomfort of being ruled by them, is a vitally important self-management practice. The small, tight-knit specialist peer group I belong to learned that one of us, (I'll call him Andrew - not his real name), appears to have committed and confessed to a repugnant … [Read more...]