Tom Watkins Coaching

Leadership Coaching | Self-Management | Capacity Development

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Emotional Agility

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To have a decent shot at developing our personal character, we must bring the mind itself under control. For this ... We should prepare for a lifetime of challenge, as there is no more difficult task in life. [1]  One test of progress is how calm we remain under provocation. On what does our ability to do that depend, and how might we enhance it? Mountaineering over a molehill I offered to support a colleague, but during the exchange he offloaded irritation in my direction. It was a simple … [Read more...]

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Grit, Avoidance & Mind-hijacking

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133 Seconds on Leadership, Teaching, Parenting, Coaching In just over two minutes of talking fast, Daniel Pink introduces a simple and very useful 2 x 2 matrix to illustrate something that's common to good leadership, teaching, coaching and parenting practices: an appropriate balance between being demanding and being supportive.  Check out his video.  The matrix is from Angela Duckworth's 2016 book, Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, a new and helpful take on what others have termed … [Read more...]

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It’s Terrible! Let’s Co-ruminate.

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Three sharply-dressed passengers sitting nearby on an early morning flight were sufficiently loud, articulate and interesting for me to overhear their conversation. Mid-level managers in a high-tech industry, I figured. Over the next 50 minutes they repeatedly agreed they'd be more effective and happier if their staff, colleagues, senior executives and clients would behave better, just get out of their way, or be different people. Definitely a co-ruminating group:  regurgitating and re-heating … [Read more...]

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Facing Reality

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Searching for easy simplicity, freedom from problems and constant stability in our lives is as futile as buying and keeping goldfish on the basis that they won't die.  Dying randomly and inexplicably is what goldfish do best. Life is a series of problems to which there are no easy answers.  If we want everything resolved and stable, we'll increasingly become victims of change as the world changes rapidly around us. Despite repeated awakenings from the fantasy that life should be otherwise, it’s … [Read more...]

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I Don’t Trust You

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We usually avoid saying this directly to those we mistrust.  It's more common to report our unease and reasons for it to other parties, make vague or indirect complaints, or practice avoidance. By then the relationship has effectively failed, though the mistrusted person may be unaware of this.  It can be difficult, if not  impossible, to repair the damage. Given the centrality of trust to cooperation and collaboration, what can be done and how can we behave in order to develop and maintain … [Read more...]

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Enhance personal resilience

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Experiencing adversity . . ?  Then you're suffering, right? Not necessarily, of course. At some level we all understand that emotional resilience is situational; we sometimes have it and sometimes lose it. We know that adversity can draw out and develop personal strengths.  Resilience is not a rare quality limited to confident optimists with few negative attitudes. We may also accept that personal resilience is our own responsibility. Almost everyone has a degree of mental robustness and … [Read more...]

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That’s the problem, right there

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His opening gambit was, What do you do?   Not my ideal subject for small-talk during a short flight, but Oh well . . .  I spoke of coaching leaders to lift their game through a systematic focus on developing their own and others’ capacity for effectiveness . . . how this saves an extraordinary degree of otherwise wasted energy and . . .   As his eyes began glazing over, I invited him to talk about his work. Although my companion  spoke enthusiastically of recent developments in his (very … [Read more...]

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Managing and reflecting on your leadership

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Is leadership simply a higher form of management? Should leaders command, direct, explain, plead, role-model, inspire, cajole, threaten, bargain, encourage, coach, mentor, manipulate, or expect people to just get on with what they're paid to do without being "bossed"? Do your leadership KPIs measure leadership quality or organisational performance?   Are they the same or separate issues?  Can leadership effectiveness be reasonably argued if your part of the organisation succeeds and … [Read more...]

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Start with why

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When asked about meetings they attend,  people often roll their eyes or sigh heavily and say, "Don’t ask!" Clearly, something’s wrong. While "ineptly-facilitated" is one of the usual suspects and an obvious contributor to the problem, something fundamental and frequently overlooked usually lies at its heart.  It’s a major flaw which seriously reinforces the tendency of meetings to waste time, squander potential and irritate the participants.  One researcher points bluntly to it when he describes … [Read more...]

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How shall we argue?

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Ideally, at the start of any significant relationship we'd agree on answers to this question before the first inevitable important disagreement. Attempting that agreement while actually arguing is a complex process, like trying to fix an aircraft while flying it. However, in its absence these nine strategies can help limit the risk of damage when we're up to our armpits in challenging interpersonal conflict. They are for most people easier to grasp than apply, because acquiring and entrenching … [Read more...]