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Spoiler alert: how collaboration is derailed

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Behaviours that inhibit or derail collaborative conversations are usually easier to recognise in other people's behaviours than in our own. Some of those spoilers are regarded as mildly annoying but unavoidable aspects of interpersonal communication processes, about which nothing much can be done. Others are more pronounced but difficult to categorise objectively and figure out constructive responses. All are worth scrutiny, modification and constructive responses in the interests of … [Read more...]

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Drawing the line at criticism

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Responding to criticism with composure and curiosity rather than reacting reflexively is a skill greatly eased by learning to recognise our feelings and the mindsets that activate them, in real time. When we can do that, we are better able to listen confidently to critical comments, hold clear limits or prevent more when we’ve heard enough. Identifying if and when any line should be drawn, calls for situational awareness, mindfulness and emotional agility.  Announcing and holding the … [Read more...]

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Choose how you respond to pressure, disruption and uncertainty | Tom Watkins

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Struggling to accept what we are sometimes faced with is a normal part of being alive, like a tax on being human works-in-progress. Our battles with reality are usually won, in the end, by reality. But have you noticed that for very many people, reality increasingly involves relentless pressure and frenzy? Three inescapable societal trends are behind this. Being overwhelmed by them is optional. I was with a friend for one of our regular discussions we have, over coffee or during a 30-minute … [Read more...]

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Sharpen-up priority management

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The foundation of effective priority management is the ability to clarify purpose and hold our focus on it. Both steps can be challenging. The first, because purpose is easily confused with current activities, dealing with agenda or completing to-do lists. The second, because we get caught up in our attitudinal compulsions (to be constantly busy or needing to be liked by others, for example), and effortless distraction is almost always a nanosecond away. There's no perfect approach to getting … [Read more...]

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The very common denominator

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When the Operations Manager, my mentoring client Julia, met two of her team to address a complex performance incident, I was present in an observer role. She'd estimated the meeting would take 15 to 20 minutes. Ben and Allen (no actual names used here) responded well enough to Julia's genuine curiosity, her clarifying questions and occasional paraphrasing to test and demonstrate her understanding. 10 out of 10 for that:  she'd been working with me to improve those practices and was doing … [Read more...]

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Got a minute?

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“Yes, of course . . “, is the usually anticipated and almost automatic response when someone comes by with a query, a problem or a story introduced by that question. And why not? A refusal might be seen as inconsiderate, or result in missing some vital or titillating information. Why not? Because to do so is often a small sign of bigger problems. Reacting to this kind of everyday stimulus automatically, either from FOMO/fear of missing out or anxiety about how others might view us, is an … [Read more...]

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Shooting yourself in the foot?

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When I asked how she tended to give feedback to staff, the CEO told me, “Oh, I’m very direct. They always know where they stand with me.  I tell them straight.”  In her mind there was no contradiction with what I’d witnessed at her meeting less than an hour earlier.  She’d told the 40 staff attending, “Some of you were late for this meeting, though you’ve known about it for weeks.  It’s disappointing and disrespectful behaviour.  You need to do better.”  At this there was much eye-rolling and … [Read more...]

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Hostility: it’s probably not about you

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To what extent is boredom and dissatisfaction behind picking fights? If the author and journalist Gaby Hinsliff  is correct or if what she suggests is right sometimes, we ought be able to make very useful shifts in our responses to much of others' "difficult" behaviours:  annoyance, antagonism, hostility, nastiness, unkindness, spite, meanness, malice, malevolence,  plain old bad-temper and other forms of poking sticks at people. I believe she is right and that the insight, coupled with … [Read more...]

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13 Ways to encourage the heart

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Whatever we think of our leadership, management, other services or products, success depends on meeting our customers' needs. For that reason alone it's wise and necessary to methodically gather feedback from customers including those within our organisations we exist to serve – our staff, our teams, colleagues and managers.   However, I strongly advocate shifting the balance of feedback away from the everyday preponderance of negative judgements, to observations that acknowledge and support … [Read more...]

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Encourage!

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We know from personal experience that our capacity for performance is significantly enhanced when our efforts and we ourselves are appreciated.  When we believe otherwise, we become easily stressed and soon give up or stop caring.  We also understand that people who go out of their way to acknowledge our effort and output, even if only with simple words of sincere thanks, go far beyond the limits of performance appraisal systems or conventional customer-client relationships:  they nourish a … [Read more...]